How to Communicate And Be Understood

What's the Difference Between Evaluation Language and Descriptive Language?

    In everyday life, we use language to express our wishes, desires to friends, family, and work colleagues. It's natural to use words and yet words account for only 7% of communication (Mehrabian). A huge 93% is non-verbal. Just think about that!

    Therefore, if words account for only 7% of communication isn't it logical, therefore, that we need to become the best we can be to communicate at the optimum level.

    For example, consider the following scene: Mum has just had a brand new carpet laid in the living room of her pristine 2 by 4 semi. A luxurious wool carpet. In recent days the weather has been inclement and her 8-year-old son, Billy, has been outside playing with his football in the mud. Innocently, Billy ventures into the house and walks across the brand new carpet, leaving a huge dump of mud and grit are strewn across it. Mum sees what has just happened and without thinking, utters a verbal outburst and at the top of her voice, calls Billy out, "who do you think you are destroying my beautiful new carpet", using gruff words and body language (remember 93% is non-verbal). This leaves billy dejected. Here we have an example of evaluative language. We, sometimes, without even thinking make a value judgment on the intentions of another's action. The situation is explosive and open to more unpleasantness. How many times in work and indeed in familial situations do we mind read another's actions?

    A much better way is to use descriptive language. Mum could just as easily have said the following. "Now Billy, look back over the carpet and the mud marks you have made ?" "What do you think about that, my Billy?" Describing (using descriptive language) what actually has happened or is happening is a much more mature and better way to communicate. Less explosive and leaves dialogue open.

    Similarly, should someone approach you waving their hand (finger in the face) in front of you and using evaluative language, perhaps, "Who do you think you are, you so and so?"

    You can respond and deflate the situation as follows: " I really want to understand you and I could hear you much better if you placed your hand by your side." Just describing what's happening without making evaluative assumptions can be very productive and as I mentioned above, deflate the situation and leaves open the opportunities for further dialogue. Try it! 

    Practice, practice, practice!

Over 300Million People Are Affected By A Significant Loss Each Year!

 Believe it or not: approximately 300 Million people are closely affected by a significant Loss in Life each year? 

    This could be the death of a partner, a child, parent, friend, etc. The pain of grief or loss experienced by that cohort of 300 million people is surely immense. Yet many of us who experience a loss or grieve the passing of a loved one are almost expected to carry on as normal. Until you experience a bereavement you will probably never fully understand that pain. 

    Bereavement is the period in which you grieve for that lost loved one. As mentioned Grief is painful, even exhausting. During the grieving process you may experience many emotions, anger, sadness, guilt. The pain of not fully acknowledging or identifying this grief ( denied, buried or stifled) may cause huge anxiety or what maybe described as a deadness of the spirit and this can manifest it itself in physical symptoms and illness. 

    When you learn to allow yourself to discover and identify this grief this leads to peace of mind and freedom to live your life. In fact, it could be said you give yourself life!

How Common Are Must-erbators in 2021?

 Are you a Must-erbator? Truth be known, you probably are! I must do this or I should do: I have to!

You see, by far the majority of people are “controlled” by the “shoulds” and the “have-to”, in their lives. It’s just that many people are not fully aware of how much control the “shoulds” have over their lives. I’d say “must-erbators” are very common.

Does being a “must-erbator” enhance or inhibit your life. Does it stop you from achieving and reaching what you want from life: achieving your goals?

In the grip of a global pandemic in 2020, hopefully, 2021 presents exciting opportunities to change, develop, move forward, achieve. Believe it or not, all of this is available to you if you know how to change your thinking.

Yes, the single most significant thing you can do now is to change your thinking to focus on what you want as opposed to what you don’t want. Change that self talk to focus on what it is that you want.

Remember life is about focus, what you focus on is what you get. Listen to yourself! Listen to your self-talk. Is it the language of doing now, actioning now, achieving now? Positive language?

Ask yourself! What am I focussing on? Because, if you continue to do what you are doing, you’ll continue getting what you are getting. Do something different (positive) and you’ll get something different (positive).

The aftermath of a pandemic demands that we do things differently. Is now the right time for you to do it differently? Because, he/she who hesitates, waits!

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